USCIS Sucks!

What is this USCIS, you ask? Well, it is U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services, and I had a run-in at the local office today as I tried...yes, tried...to obtain a Certified True Copy of my Certificate of Citizenship. Since it is illegal to photocopy this certificate, I had to make an online appointment to ask for a G24 in person. The G24 certifies the copy of the certificate so that it is legal and can be authenticated. Apparently, on my certificate, it states that my name is "Wei na Yang aka Wanda Wei na Yang," which differs from what they have on the computer system. They only have "Wei na Yang" in the system, so this "Wanda Wei na Yang" is not legal. Hello, isn't this what the aka stands for? The original CIS officer had no problem with me signing as "Wanda Wei Na Yang," so why should Officer Griffin be any different? Hello, I can has phonics? This caused so much confusion for the local office that they are requesting my "dead" file from the bowels of Immigration vaults somewhere in order to verify that it's okay for me to be also known as "Wanda." This verification isn't even required on the G24 because the inventors of this form understood (at one time) that when an immigrant first comes to this country, most likely the name will be the anglicized form of their original name, and that once naturalized, they may also be known as something else. I proved that I am the person on the certificate with no less than 2 forms of photo identification, so all they had to do was fill out the G24 and send me on my way. Instead, when I asked if I could have a time frame for when my file may come in because of adoption paperwork's time-sensitivity, I was stonewalled with at least five minutes of "I don't know," "I can't tell you," and "I can't." After a subsequent conversation with another asswholery "Officer Dean," I have determined that the local offices never see the actual Certificates, so they panic when it becomes clear that the script they usually follow will not suffice. Not only that, Officer Dean asked me how long my certificate had been lost, and when I told her that I have the actual certificate, she had to go talk to a supervisor. I doubt that she talked to any superior. They like to lie, truly.

Goddamn it, I am a U.S. citizen, and I do not deserve to be harassed like this. So, this morning I arrived at 8am for my 8am appointment, and had to take a number because the appointment means nothing. Seventy minutes later my number was finally called, and when I walked up to the window Officer Griffin tells me that she will have to, at an unspecified later time, call me after she verifies that I could be also known as "Wanda." She could not verify as to how many days or weeks this may take, but that it probably won't take years. Nice, huh? So for now we'll bypass the local office and send a notarial statement with a copy of the certificate to Washington D.C. so that it can be certified. I hate Immigration Services. I also had an unexplained fear of going to them, and now I know why.